I got choked hard by my partner right in front of the instructor, apparently the instructor was telling me “don’t give him the choke, you’re giving him the choke!” I couldn’t hear. My ears were plugged, face was smushed, and I could barely breathe. I panicked. I should have tapped sooner, but my ego almost made me go unconscious. I eventually tapped. Then my partner said, “Why did you give me that choke, didn’t you hear the instructor?” Nope I did not. Apparently I’m not supposed to put my arms across my face when in the bottom, that’s choke-city.
At the end of the class, when we line up and bow, I couldn’t look at the instructor. And when we all walked in a line and gave each other fist-bumps I didn’t say anything to anyone. After that, my pattern wanted to show me what I did wrong. I reluctantly agreed. I was being polite but I just wanted to leave the gym as soon as possible. I was quite embarrassed and in a lot of pain from an injury I got the week before. After class, I was sitting in my car whining and wincing. Never thought I would get like that to be honest.
Since starting bjj I was in great spirits and didn’t let anything bother me if I was losing in a roll or didn’t understand a technique. But the night I got choked right in front of the instructor it hurt me, and my ego. Being a white belt, I’m very excited to learn this martial art, am full of piss-and-vinegar, as they say. I have to slow down and check my ego more often.
Emotion will get the best of me in this sport if I allow them too, I read that in a jiu jitsu book I recently purchased, and boy is that ever true. I’m taking this week off (Nov29) to rest my injury and get my mind right. Then get back to it, just keep showing up is my cure.
When you get discouraged, don’t give up. Keep showing up and check your negative emotions as soon as you can. Breath and remember the long-game. You’ll be here awhile so don’t rush yourself. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on the mats.
Down Culture 
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